//Trust but Verify and Document
I got triggered by a LinkedIn post I read the other day.
When I worked for banks, it was common to follow bosses and move with them to a new firm. One year, my boss was jumping and took me with him. I was VERBALLY promised a guaranteed, high-5-figure bonus by my boss ("Great Guy"), the recruiter (placing me for the 3rd time), and the new company I joined (a major bank).
Everyone told me I'd be fine - "trust us" - even though I asked multiple times for it to go into the offer letter.
Come bonus day, they didn’t even call me into the room.
Because there was nothing to tell me, even though I had exceeded my targets.
Their rationale: “She didn’t have a guarantee.”
For the next year, I sat next to "Great Guy" as he talked about the extensive renovations to his UWS apartment, which he paid for with HIS written guarantee.
About 5 years later, while I was in grad school full-time (on my dime) and working 2 jobs, I helped another former boss, who had become a good friend, on a retainer.
It started out fine.
Then the payments stopped.
“Don’t worry. You know I got you.”
He didn’t.
For 5 months (what an idiot), I kept working.
I finally said, “I’m not doing anything else until you pay me.”
After knowing him for 15 years, and being best friends for the last 5, that was the last time we talked.
So when I saw a post this week from a very well-known person that said:
“Assume people will fulfill their promises. Don’t use a lawyer. Don’t cover your ass. Leave yourself open to being taken advantage of…”
I felt sick.
This advice is dangerous.
Especially for founders.
Especially for women.
Especially for anyone who’s been burned and knows better.
Here’s what I know:
∙Trust is essential. But so are boundaries.
∙Document everything. Even with friends.
∙Use the right lawyer with the right expertise. Write it down and execute it.
∙Protect your time, value, and work.
∙Don’t wait 5 months - get out when you know it's not right.
If there’s a relationship, there should be a formal agreement.
Insist on it.
If there’s a value exchange, it should be mutual and written down.
I used to believe in good faith over docs.
Now I believe in both.
And I sleep better at night.
Oh, and that founder with the advice to just trust everyone?
It's Marc Randolph, cofounder of Netflix.
Usually, I lap up and love his posts - I think he's a genius and am obsessed with the fact that he shares his knowledge and stories so freely on this platform.
But let's acknowledge his privilege here. He has the luxury of trusting people because who would ever screw him over? Someone would have to be insane to do that - because we all know he has good lawyers. He probably cannot remember a time when he was in a truly vulnerable position because he's been so successful for so long now - kudos to him!
But the rest of us should set goals, boundaries, and agreed-upon outcomes so the value exchange feels fair and equitable, and everyone walks away happy.
And we all can sleep better at night.